Failing

'I'm scared of failing, I don't think it'll work out, it's probably a waste of time, why am I doing this anyway? Who do I think I am I'm not worthy of the things I want...'

These are just some of the things we tell ourselves when we're embarking on something new. I hadn't picked up a paintbrush in 15 years before I decided I wanted to try it again. At the start it was just an experiment, I was doing it for fun, to see how it would feel. Five years later, I can say that I've been lucky enough to have experienced some amazing things so early on my creative journey. This includes selling my art globally, exhibiting my work, getting published and very recently teaching art (something I thought I wouldn't be doing until at least my 40's). 

Did I know these opportunities were going to open up to me when I first started? Was I aiming for any of this? Did I decide to pick up a paintbrush again because I wanted to become a ‘successful’ artist? The answer is no. But I do believe that there is a secret to getting these opportunities to fall in front of you if that’s what you want and aim for.

The secret is to just START. Start where ever you are, regardless of where that is. Even if that place is anxiety ridden, full of doubts, with a feeling of unworthiness and insecurity. The truth is, there is something beautiful and totally magical about this space that you're in. 

You may well be thinking that with all the fear and dread looming over you, how can it be anything but dreadful? I'll tell you, it's beautiful because when you decide to try something new, you are allowed to mess up. You're allowed to get it wrong, to fall flat on your face and fail. Because number one, there are zero expectations on you at this time. Nobody on the other side is expecting or waiting on you to do something incredible, to create something great, to get it right. The only pressure you're getting right now is probably self-imposed. Number two, it’s your first time. Do you know what's most likely to happen when you try something for the first time? You'll get it wrong and that is absolutely fine and normal. Ask any scientist who's work is built on failing. Any major breakthrough in scientific research has come about through trial and error. Progress is built on getting it wrong. Getting it wrong is inevitable when you first start out.

You've probably heard it before, but sometimes it needs repeating; things going wrong give us a chance to grow, to learn and to get better. When we fail, amazing doors open for us but we're usually so wrapped up emotionally in the 'getting it wrong' bit of it that we don't realise. One of those doors is called 'invaluable information' and if we allow ourselves to peep through we can find answers to some of the following questions: what happened here? why didn't it work out? what knowledge can I gain from this experience to help me better next time?. 

And just to say, I'm not here preaching from a place of never having to experience failure. I go through this stuff and I have to remind myself of these things again and again. 

So I'd say, take a deep breath and start where you are. You'll probably feel a whole lot better for it afterwards!

'Painting is so difficult and torturing. Last autumn I burned six canvases along with the dead leaves from my garden. It is enough to make one give up hope. Nevertheless I should not like to die before having said everything that I had to say or at least having tried to say it. And my days are numbered... Tomorrow, perhaps...'
CLAUDE MONET 1924

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